for the WSB "Blog Of The Month : November Edition" Criteria

ONLY IN SABAH, My dear Tobpinai

These are some of the the local phrases and exclamations I have grown up with and fallen in love with. Ahhh...the thick , guttural accent we have,  priceless....SO feel free to add on if i missed anything out my fellow Sabahans. After all...

URANG SABAH BAH KITA NI!


Occupation : kalaja

THERE (far away,also applicable to a place more than 10 steps away) : Saaaaaaaaaana

LATER(more than 5 minutes later):Naaaaaaaaaanti/
sikaaaaaaarang!

toothpaste : KULGIT (@colgate in sabahan slang)

how would I know : manaaaa la sia tau?

Lie : tambirang

Go: pigi

Maybe : Mangkali

Butt : PANTAT(use this discreetly when in West Malaysia because apparently it is a VERY DIRTY WORD there...no pun intended)

School : SIKUL

Lopsided : MIRING

Ugly : BIDA!

Slap : Tampiling

No Need ::ta'usah/tosah

DAMN IT!: SILAKAK!

You’re really  Good : Champiiiinnnnn o kau ni!

Buddy : Ging

Chase : Bubut

Cigarette : SIGUP

OK!: Bah /MmmmmmBahhh/ Bah bah bah!

Serves you right : Koto!

Table : Mija

Chicken : Manuk

You : KO

Me : SIA/ SHYA

Them : DURANG

rape : Gintak (to learn about how this word came to be please refer to:

http://bengodomon.com/2010/06/25/the-legend-of-gintak-gabui/)

I don’t care : Paduli!

Drink (alcohol) : Moghinum

When referring to someone dumb or stupid this expression is used with extreme passion: O’DOIIII DOGO!

Cheers! : ARAMAITIIIIIIIIIII!!!( the louder a person says this, the drunker he is)

You all : Kamurang

OMG: ATUKOI !

Always : TATAP!

Beside : SIRING

 short and muscular : Pindik-pindik TAGAP

James Bond : JimSH BOON

Spiderman : Spaidumin

KL @Kuala Lumpur : KEY EEEL

If people won't accept food offered, This will be the typical retort : Kapunan ko nanti! (which means you’ll get bad luck for not eating, the quickie solution to this is to at least TOUCH the food)

Then there is a classic and overused phrase you will ONLY hear in good ol’ Sabah.

BULIH BAH KALO KAU! ( translate : of course!)

Where the Fun at?

EMBRACE YOUR THICK ACCENTS  YO SABAHANS!

TALK LOUD AND PROUD AND DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED.

 Not even if you win Akademi Fantasia or something and start working in KEY EEL.

so if you hear people asking, " ape bende u cakap nie???" You say , " SHYA CAKAP BAHSA SABAH LA BAH!" Ok People???

SAY WHAT???

BULIH BA KALO KAU!

for the WSB "Blog Of The Month : November Edition" Criteria

WSB : WITTY, SEXY, BOOMBASTIC
             WACKY, SASSY, BODACIOUS!

KudoSurf Me!

9VPCQZEUCMZR

Life is somewhat like a jumbled up  Rubik’s cube.

How does it compare?

Life is never perfectly aligned. 

Pieces are almost always never in place when you so desperately need
them to be.

You twist and you turn, flip and flop. You might get

one side intact (by accidental luck?) and you whoop for joy! 

And you feel self-congratulatory, celebrate a little and tackle the next side with utmost confidence. Then as soon as you got the second side all matched up, side no.1 gets screwed up again???

COME ON! GIMME A BREAK!

You desperately try to salvage side no.1, which took longer than the first time because DAGNABBIT you don’t remember anything

you did to get side no 1 matched up.  When you finally do you huff in exhaustion, your brain feels like it has been to a brain gym for hours, then, half-heartedly, you give a go at side no 2, keeping your eye on side no.1 like a hawk. Twist turn flip right up left down down flip turn twist. NO!! 

 @#*&! IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!  

You’re back to square 1.

After trying and messing up one time too many and the cube still looks like the way it was before,

JUMBLED BEYOND SALVATION. 

And you either leave it in its corner to collect dust, or you fling it to a wall and watch it smash to smithereens.

Some people, who were given more than their fair share of brain cells and luck, do manage to find that formula or algorithmthat actually works. Their algorithms might differ, but all showed the same conclusion.

SENSATIONAL SUCCESS: an immaculate “cube” with all pieces in place

These are the people who we call, the elite, the superstars, the rich and famous, THE KING OF THE HILL, and are worshipped

by people from a thousand kingdoms who are trying desperately to attain that perfect “cube”.

Yes, many of us are still staring at the algorithms with a “cube” clutched desperately in our hands, trying to imitate what these geniuses do with no idea how the algorithm really works.

We may solve it alright, all sides aligned, and yet you want more,

 you want to solve it blindfolded, behind your back, in lightning speed...etc. 

Or some of us who lack the cranial capacity might just break the “cube” and try to put the pieces back together in their perfect little corners, oftentimes losing some vital pieces and ending up with an incomplete cube.

to these people, I say , STOP OBSESSING!

Because life, unlike a Rubik’s cube, is not about getting all the

pieces perfectly in place. Life is about adapting and dealing with the pieces that are not where it is supposed to be, and making the best of it. 

Even for people who made it big, who achieved what everyone benchmarks as the perfect life, there is bound to be at least ONE PIECE that is out of place.

And that is how it is supposed to be, life is about learning to move the pieces step by step, and celebrating all the short algorithms you create in moving those pieces, about appreciating that one side of life that may already be perfectly aligned. Even if the red ends up in the yellow side, you may discover that the two colours together actually do create a striking combination. And you embrace that. Embrace those unmatching pieces because those are the pieces that are going to make your life a little more interesting and colourful. 

Obsess about getting all sides of life perfect, you may screw up what you already have, and stand to push away the pieces that means most to you. As well as wasting precious time and energy.  

Tell me if this is true, There is always an itch to jumble up a perfect cube because a perfect cube looks so painstakingly PLAIN & PREDICTABLE, and somewhat PRETENTIOUS.

So I say this:

ALL HAIL THE JUMBLED UP CUBE OF LIFE!

Ever had that performance where everything went perfect during practices, and when it comes to the show you just crumble and see a few faces trying not to cringe?

I've been there. And I've wallowed myself into a bottomless pit of self-loathing and Hershey Bars just to realize that no one really cares that much but me. And that got me thinking, why am I making things worse than it already is?

So these are a few tips I came up with to ease the disappointment or shame or whatever negative emotional experiences you have after the show, because, seriously, pining on my temporary failure to shine was PAINFULLY cramping my style, so here goes :

1.    pretend the mistakes you made was actually part of the performance , the audience usually doesn't know any better (well,sometimes they do, but heck, life is too short to worry about everyone else's feelings)

2.    do NOT cry or sulk or whine or grumble, no matter how much you want to , act carefree and happy(do not overdo it though, or you'll be screaming FAKE!) If people see you in a stormy mood they will know you DEFINITELY screwed up.

3.    if someone comes up to you and criticize , just smile and agree, and say that you were not at your best. If possible, engage in a small lighthearted chatter with the critic, hopefully his impression of you will change and he might even start feeling guilty for being so critical. And in turn you will learn about ways to improve yourself .

4.   tell yourself that you still have a NEXT TIME to redeem yourself

5.   it would be helpful to have understanding friends around you after the show to cheer you up, bring you out for ice cream or some hardcore  PAR-TAYING!

6.   make sure you look HOT, before, during and especially after the show. if people can't compliment on your show, they can still compliment on your looks.

7.  for the next few days, engage in activities that will take your mind off the failed performance. e.g. go on a shopping spree, clean your backyard, go jog or fly a kite at the beach where all the hunky dudes/sexy chicas go, bake a souffle,  open a bottle of red wine and invite friends over etc etc. DO NOT FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN'T FIX ALREADY.

8.   GO FORWARD AND STOP LOOKING BACKWARDS. Go practice some more KICK SOME ASS next time around. Moping or smashing up things  is not going to help anyone, especially not YOU.



9.   Remember, even the pros screw up now and then . and before they were pros, they may have screwed up worse.  Nobody can be perfect all the time. NOT YOU, NOT ME......
NOT EVEN (insert name of your idol here)!

10.  Do not even think of watching any recordings of the performance,  no reading of reviews from critics, no calling up friends and asking them how you did, do you want to reopen old wounds on purpose? No, no reviewing and analyzing  until you feel mentally ready and  lighthearted enough to just laugh everything off over a cup of hot, homemade chocolate with marshmallows on, and some Famous Amos cookies on the side. Which reminds me, I need to go get some myself...




Where the Fun At?  

  WE CAN CHOOSE HOW TO REACT TO CIRCUMSTANCES, SO CHOOSE TO :

a. cry over spilt milk

b.try to drink up whatever you can from the spilt milk like a starved refugee

c.  go get 3 more bottles of fresh milk , chocolate sauce and some cereal

You put on your best dress, the one you save for the very special occasions, the one that hugs your curves and makes you look a little like Jessica Alba at the Oscars.  Your hair is done up in an immaculate side-swept chignon that reminds people of old Hollywood glamour. You go full blast on makeup. Slip your perfectly pedicured feet into your show-stopping pair of heels. 

It was THE PARTY. Everyone you knew were going.  Jason, the stud you had the HOTS for was going ALONE and you wanted to make sure you were the only one he would give a second look at. You were going to be the belle of the ball. And you did look pretty damned gorgeous, you look in the mirror and say to yourself , ‘ you hot vixen you, you are going to be the centre of attention tonight!’

You arrive at the posh resort where the party’s at. You follow the arrow that points to        THE PARTY.

You rearrange your steps and try to walk with a little sway in your hips.

You made your carefully planned entrance. Head up, chest out, you walked confidently and sexily(you hope) to where the party was. 

They took one look at you and their jaws dropped, eyes opened wide, some of them gasped in amazement.  Jason stopped talking to bimbo looking chick

and was looking at you intensely.

It was a perfect entrance, you gloated for a second while staring back at Jason.

It took you awhile to notice everyone else were in bikinis, sarongs and casual tees, flip flops and Hawaiian pants.

You are thrown aback a little, wondering if you’re at the wrong party. But Jason was here, your friends were here. You look around and saw a barbecue going on and people were holding up their charred chicken wings and hot dogs and eyeing you up and down, then you saw sand, and your heels were slowly sinking into it.

It was a beach barbecue party and you showed up looking like you were expecting to be served Braised Scallops on silk covered tables and pretty folded napkins.

And you hear whispers of ‘didn’t she read the invitation?’.   Jason is whispering to the bikini clad bimbo and taking side glances at you. And your body freezes and you feel....

MORTIFICATION IN ITS PUREST FORM.

Your confidence feels like it has been shattered by these stone cold stares. Some of them even look embarrassed for you.

Then suddenly through the piercing silence you hear laughter. You turn to see your best friend coming towards you and giving you a discreet wink.  “Baaabeeee.....you are at the wrong party! Weren’t you supposed to be  Mark’s date at that company launching dinner first before coming here. Did you mix up the venues again girl?!”

You were wondering who Mark was and so were the rest of the people.  But you saw an escape route and you grabbed it like manna from heaven.

“OH CRAP! I'm such a airhead! Too many things going on all at once, i guess! I’m late for Mark’s dinner! I gotta go!” Thankfully you head for the EXIT

“You ARE coming back aren’t you Miss Popular?” your friend hollers

“Of course! As soon as I can! With my bikini this time!”

“And don’t forget, we’re hitting THE CLUB after this party with Byron and Cordelia, you promised drinks are on you.” Another wink. You are wondering how she gets names like Byron and Cordelia right out the top of her head like that. 

And suddenly you see Jason looking at you with a heightened level of interest. Immediately, from total embarassment, you have become the girl with a lot of things going on for you. Bimbo was now oozing jealousy from her fake tan.

Later on, while you were finally home, stripped down to your bikini, perfectly timing yourself before heading back to THE PARTY. You text your friend the saviour , “If I could afford the WHOLE CLUB, I’d buy it for you....Thank you. XOXO”

AH....friendship rocks.